Tom Cruise faces charges for reckless driving

JULIAN SIEBER

 

Hollywood actor Tom Cruise has been taken into custody this morning after being involved in a car accident and running from police in California last night.

 

The other drivers and passengers who saw his car crash into a bush claim Mr Cruise had his Eyes Wide Shut whilst driving A Few Good Men to The Firm.

 

“His reckless driving definitely caused this accident”, said witness Jerry Maguire.

 

“I mean, driving with your eyes closed? That’s Risky Business – I think he’s Losin’ It. I also think I saw him drinking a Cocktail or two before he swerved into that Magnolia and started running Far and Away.

 

“He even tried to bribe me afterwards to keep what I saw a secret. He showed me The Color of Money and used All The Right Moves, but keeping something this big quiet is like being a Rain Man during Days of Thunder under a Vanilla Sky.”

 

According to the Minority Report, one of Mr Cruise’s passengers was Bruce Willis, who at the time was wanted in Sin City for the Assassination of a High School President.

 

When the police arrived and after Mr Cruise ran away, Mr Willis was the Last Man Standing within The Whole Ten Yard radius and spoke exclusively to The Daily Gazelle.

 

“What Just Happenned?” Mr Willis said. “I always said I wanted to Die Hard, but not with Tom Cruise. He’s a Perfect Stranger.”