David Suzuki’s “finger licking good” ruse exposed

PATRICK WILLIAMS

 

The alleged true events leading to the disappearance of the iconic ‘Colonel’ of KFC fame have been revealed and published in a new book by author Zhing Herberger.

 

The book entitled “Can’t Flee That Truth: Eleven Secret Facts and Stories of the KFC Colonel” revealed amongst other shocking facts that the Colonel did not die in 1980 but rather started living under the alias of “David Suzuki".

 

At the book launch Mr Herberger said: “At first I thought I was wrong, that I somehow had my facts mixed up. But I double checked my sauces. When I realised I was right, well the feeling was sweet as well as sour.

 

 “What really amazed me was how nobody had realised before me. I mean, sure, I did a lot of pecking around to find the information that made me suspect fowl play. Even so, just looking at him is a dead giveaway.

 

“It makes sense though, really, when you think about it. While I don’t know for sure, I suspect that the colonel just got sick of having the death of so many chickens on his conscious, hence why he dedicated his life as Suzuki towards helping the planet.”

 

When asked why the Colonel kept his iconic facial hair even when living under the alias of David Suzuki, Herberger replied: “I don’t know. I guess he was so used to it. Just like people are used to the delicious taste of Original Recipe™.”

 

While the book is not expected to be available in stores for some time, it can be ordered fresh not frozen from Mr Herberger’s personal website.