Importance of journalism style forgotten

JULIAN SIEBER

 

In a recent study it was revealed that 90% of news article readers are actually unaware of the tough journalistic rules required to write each article and many do not even know that for example the first opening paragraph must be short, snappy and should definitely not be over 30 words or use long words such as antidisestablishmentarianism, disestablishmentarianism or even establishmentarianism.

 

Every paragraph should consist of exactly one sentence. There are absolutely no exceptions.

 

Important opinion-based quotes should always be direct quotes or attributed to their source appropriately, according to journalism academic Dr John Moore.

 

“You are to always quote people respectfully and without any bias,” said Dr Moore shiftily as he probably stroked a small cat in an evil, brooding manner.

 

Journalists, at least ones writing articles, should use as little commas as possible, particularly when they are, unnecessary, and the sentence can clearly be re-written to avoid them all together, or, if so wished, devoid of all commas, punctuation, or any kind of small, little, tiny mark on the bottom of the line.

 

CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS ARE FORBIDDEN!!!

 

The least important information always belongs in the final paragraph, despite the fact that the Pope killed three people last night.