Cliff study success

JULIAN SIEBER

 

A recent study revealed that 90 per cent of Australians will jump off a cliff or steep precipice given their best friend does so first.

 

7500 people of all walks of life were taken to the Budagala Wildlife Preserve where they lined up in two rows at the top of a 100ft cliff yesterday.

 

In one line was the best friend, who was pushed off first, and when the second one was pushed, they offered little to no resistance compared to the first one, according to Chief Statistical Scientist Gary Dalke.

 

“This experiment definitely was a success. Out of the 7500 pushed off, 6750 also met the same fate as their friend.

 

“Of course, there are some disappointing inaccuracies in the data. Sometimes they fought back or we pushed them wrong and they ended up surviving the fall.

 

“Sure, the cliché says ‘jump’ where we pushed them off – but that’s just a small detail. I mean, not many of them were actually that willing to jump off in the first place.”

 

However Senior Cliché Scientist Howard Smithson believes the number of people that died in the experiment is disappointing and research should be continued. 

“We definitely need to try this experiment a bit more. Hopefully we can use more subjects next time. As it stands, the experiment’s a pretty epic fail. Like ‘iSnack 2.0’ – more like ‘iSnack 2.No’.”