Kesha’s dentist sued for gross negligence

PATRICK WILLIAMS

Dr Miles Fenway, the dentist of pop artist Kesha, has had his license revoked after allegations arose that he had been advising several of his patients, including the high profile singer, to brush their teeth with various alcoholic spirits.

The advice, in sharp contrast to the traditionally accepted best practice of using toothpaste, has received severe scrutiny from the Dentists’ Industrial Council.

“The DIC is obviously pretty disappointed that people are being advised to put such things in their mouth,” stated a representative of the council, “it is no wonder that Ms Kesha feels aggrieved by the situation. But that said, we are helping her with this matter. In fact, she has told us on several occasions how grateful she really is. It is fair to say that Kesha loves the DIC.

“As can be seen, we really had no choice but to revoke Dr Fenway’s license. No sane dentist would ever advise their patients to use Jack Daniels or Bundaberg rum to brush their teeth. I mean just practically, it doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t it, like, just go through the bristles and straight down the sink? For these reasons, we are suspicious that Dr Fenway has been receiving bribes for giving out this information.”

Further inquiry by The Daily Gazelle seemed to confirm the allegations, as it was discovered through private investigation that the team of lawyers representing Dr Fenway were being financed by none other than Jack Daniels Pty Inc.

When asked for comment on the case, Dr Fenway’s lawyers seemed confident.

“Obviously the case is not as smooth as the taste of Jack Daniels. However, with that being said, we are confident that our client will soon be tasting the sweet, sweet taste of victory, a taste that is arguably as good as Jack Daniels. I don’t know about you, but all this talk has made me thirsty. Thirsty for Jack Daniels.”

Mr. Bundy Bear was also approached for comment on the matter, and was found in his appartment smelling strongly of rum and missing a shoe. He was quoted as saying “graaaw!”, before hurling a Bundy can at reporters whilst claiming that they could not judge him, as they did not know him.