Snoop Dogg appeals drug conviction; represents self in court

PATRICK WILLIAMS

In a surprise turn of events this morning, American hip-hop artist Snoop Dogg declined the legal aid offered to him by the State of California, and instead, decided to represent himself in court, defending charges relating to illegal possession of narcotics and firearms.

“Yo, yo, yeah I’m feelin’ that beat. Yeah, yeah, one-two one-two,” said Mr Dogg as he began his opening statement, all the while nodding his head to the impromptu beat laid down by a member of his entourage.

“Yo, if it pleases the kizzle, my name is Snoopy Dizzle, imma represent myself so just listen to mah spizzle,” stated Mr Dogg, before performing the ‘C – walk’ dance for several minutes whilst clicking his tongue rhythmically. He then continued with his statement.

“With all due respect, why’s the state tryin’na sue me? There ain’t no fingerprints to link the gun to me. Our points of view on the matter be causin’ collision, now why can’t I get an O.J. Simpson decision?”

The judge residing over the case, Judge Schneebly, seemed dissuaded by the points made by Mr Dogg, and questioned the law upon which he based his arguments.

“Yo, check it. Mah name’s Judge Schneebly, my lyrics flow easy, the points which you just raised, they did not please me. Please cite the case with which you refer to, and do it double quick before I straight up serve you.”

The statement caused several members of the jury to cover their mouths, wave their free hand above their head, all the while yelling ‘oh snap’, before they were quickly reminded by Judge Schneebly that they were in a court of law, and should act as such.

The trial resumes tomorrow.