Israel and Palestine still yet to sort out beef

PATRICK WILLIAMS

Bombings and small arms fire on both sides of the West Bank last night have added another day of bloodshed and conflict to a tally that is growing every month. It is estimated that the conflict between Israel and Palestine is stretching roughly into its 20th year. Unfortunately, it is just an estimate, as the guy officially keeping count got shot several weeks ago.

US President Barack Obama, who is expected to arrive in the region in a few days to hold peace talks between the two sides, seemed disappointed to hear the news.

“Man. Like seriously? Again? I swear that’s the third time this week they’ve done that to each other. We stopped giving them money. We’re pretty sure they ain't making money. How long ‘til they start running out of crap to throw at each other?”

Mr Obama agreed with the opinion of one reporter, who suggested that the conflict, resent, political animosity and cultural dichotomy between the two sides ran deeper than many in the west realise. “Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like I hear they both worship Jesus, but that’s about where the similarities end.”

When queried on his planned approach to solving the conflict between the two sides, Mr Obama seemed vague.

“Look y’all, this thing is just another notch on the belt. Peace in the middle east, free healthcare, unprecedented economic growth. It’s all good, baby. Obama’s got the medicine.”